WOW. “The desire to judge and be the most intelligent person in the room is such a profound evolutionary flaw that any opportunity to learn is rendered useless. So we don't. We don't learn. We stick to what we know, and as far as we are concerned, that is good enough.”
Profound. We need to judge and to feel right. Your selection process a perfect example.
Yet how do we learn or teach the need of understanding and compassion for others differences.
The context in which I speak of judgment is about the things that don't really matter, the differences in human beings such as the jobs we do and our creeds. Those are the judgments that are so deeply damaging.
But on the flip side, judgment is a survival mechanism, right? If we correctly judge something to be unsafe, we should, in theory, avoid that something.
The evolutionary flaw in which I refer to is about how judgment is the be all and end all of everything.
"I hope this made you uncomfortable." Sorry to disappoint ^^ But still quite food for thought.
I had to think about the fictional worlds where sex work is seen as something honorable. I can't claim to know even a bit of your experience - but your statement about being more free than many of us seems quite plausible to me. People degrade themselves all the time for their jobs. And in a lot of jobs we sell our body, our sanity and/or our health.
It's never seen as honourable, my friend. It's been propagandised and manipulated to be something that it really isn't. It's comparable to blaming the bartender for another's addiction to alcohol.
The difference is, I don't feel degraded. I feel entirely empowered, because I have a sense of control that I would imagine those in normative jobs don't have. I can refuse to do something without the fear of firing. I can choose when I work, and indeed how I work.
Control is the ultimate work-place benefit for me.
I hope I am far from a disappointment when I say I was anything but uncomfortable. The survival math you sketched out? I recognize it even if I had to do my surviving a different way. This is what you have to do to make it. Glad you're still making it.
At another time in my life, this probably would have made me uncomfortable, cause I can be naive- but I’ve always liked a good read— this is how we grow as a species empathetically sharing experiences where they can be read by honest curiosity.m.
There’s no better way to get into someone’s head than to write yourself up in order to get read. So, now I’ve read about giving head… and of it… it think…no, I don’t feel as uncomfortable as one might guess— even though I look like a prude with no dress— (prefer pants)
I’m left thinking… you’re more like a high priestess of sex, and definitely a comely functional actress. Maybe the respect comes with the tag, or the label.. if you were called a Sex Actress (instead of a worker) you’d be wealthier than the less experienced Betty Grable.
Get the industry to change the language. That’s my magic tip for the day. You are compelling. Manifest your work into different terms for your selling.
Could be like casting a good spell — and your whole crew would benefit from it.
As wise as this may be, it would be damaging to change these terms.
Firstly, if we changed the word 'worker' to 'actor' then our clients would know for sure that it's all fake and we would be financially penalised for that. The whole reason for the masquerade is to make people think we want them there and that we care. If we're known as 'actors' then the client would know for sure that it's entirely meaningless.
Sex worker has been instrumental in advocating for workplace protections, decriminalization, and the right to organize collectively. Shifting to sex actor dilutes that grounding in labor politics. We'd be taken less seriously.
As much as I appreciate it, it would just increase stigma.
I so value this insight. I want to comprehend the issue so I can be a proper advocate of ever my voice gains authority is a public sphere (debut vocal poetics forthcoming) I need to know how to be a supporter.
Yeah— well, it’s true magic what we both do. My struggle has been to validate my own form of theatrics while maintaining my real relationships with the people in my life. I will likely be seen as some form of whacked actor, but — what’s coming out of me is my authentic self… been hiding for too long and to ignore it is to reduce myself in the game of life.
I hear you and appreciate that you are raising the bar for your people in a misunderstood industry. I am glad that you have safeties arranged around you to protect you from the deranged. Be well. Stay safe. Keep writing and teaching your story.
Sorry for the typos. The edit function won’t let me fix them. I write too much, I guess. But I want to be understood.
Wow. I loved this. It is immediate, and fascinating. In a weird way, my years as an obedient "godly wife" attracted to women felt kind of like this - there was this distance in the act, because it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with meeting his needs in the moment and making him happy.
The hardest part was how much he loved me. I loved him too, and realized he was getting my best, but it was not fair. He deserved to be delighted in by who he loved. No one ever loved me like he did. He was a very good guy. Died from cancer.
As a woman this did make me feel uncomfortable so goal achieved. Is there a difference in the way you perceive attraction since you've been on both sides of the coin? Also, do you feel like you're shrugging off accountability here?
I apologize if this question is offensive. Not at all trying to be just really really curious! You're a very different type of writer on this platform so it's interesting to come across a different perspective on this. I'm glad you're safe. At the of the day that comes before anything!
Nothing about this post fazes me except for the part where you'd knowingly wink at a man who you feel is married. If he bites the bait that's on him. But that you'd throw the bait at all is what doesn't sit...well?
Now if he approached you without any encouragement from your end that's fair game for you to take him on if you find him attractive. It's the former scenario I can't reconcile with
Whilst I understand where you’re coming from, is the man not in control of himself? Do I control what he does? Any man with a sense of decency will say no. I’m not monogamous so it doesn’t phase me it all. If it’s breaking their moral code, it’s down to them.
I don’t take responsibility for any married man who uses my service. I don’t apologise for it.
So you and I are in total agreement when it comes to the man's actions. If he takes the bait that's on him. He's responsible for his actions and choices. By the same token so are you. Why throw the bait is what I'm stuck on.
An uncomfortable read so it worked well Fusun. Your line about no corporate events made me smile - I wondered what an awayday would look like - probably more fun than raft-building. 😀
I think I'm one of the only people you can't make uncomfortable with these sorts of posts but at the same time it's interesting to read your work because you do this because you want to. I was a slave. I think that is the difference. You write about this stuff so well.
WOW. “The desire to judge and be the most intelligent person in the room is such a profound evolutionary flaw that any opportunity to learn is rendered useless. So we don't. We don't learn. We stick to what we know, and as far as we are concerned, that is good enough.”
Profound. We need to judge and to feel right. Your selection process a perfect example.
Yet how do we learn or teach the need of understanding and compassion for others differences.
You're quite right. We are all guilty of it.
The context in which I speak of judgment is about the things that don't really matter, the differences in human beings such as the jobs we do and our creeds. Those are the judgments that are so deeply damaging.
But on the flip side, judgment is a survival mechanism, right? If we correctly judge something to be unsafe, we should, in theory, avoid that something.
The evolutionary flaw in which I refer to is about how judgment is the be all and end all of everything.
Thank you.
I love your words.
Thank you, Yanni.
"I hope this made you uncomfortable." Sorry to disappoint ^^ But still quite food for thought.
I had to think about the fictional worlds where sex work is seen as something honorable. I can't claim to know even a bit of your experience - but your statement about being more free than many of us seems quite plausible to me. People degrade themselves all the time for their jobs. And in a lot of jobs we sell our body, our sanity and/or our health.
It's never seen as honourable, my friend. It's been propagandised and manipulated to be something that it really isn't. It's comparable to blaming the bartender for another's addiction to alcohol.
The difference is, I don't feel degraded. I feel entirely empowered, because I have a sense of control that I would imagine those in normative jobs don't have. I can refuse to do something without the fear of firing. I can choose when I work, and indeed how I work.
Control is the ultimate work-place benefit for me.
“Help comes fast and violently like a heroic tsunami of hope. It comes faster than most men do.” I believe this!
Haha, thank you, my friend.
Didn't make me uncomfortable. Just more to learn about something I know nothing about. .
I'm glad this could be of education to you. :)
I hope I am far from a disappointment when I say I was anything but uncomfortable. The survival math you sketched out? I recognize it even if I had to do my surviving a different way. This is what you have to do to make it. Glad you're still making it.
Ha, you're not a disappointment at all.
You know, we all make steps to survive, some with more eagerness than another. The story may be different, the principles are always the same.
At another time in my life, this probably would have made me uncomfortable, cause I can be naive- but I’ve always liked a good read— this is how we grow as a species empathetically sharing experiences where they can be read by honest curiosity.m.
There’s no better way to get into someone’s head than to write yourself up in order to get read. So, now I’ve read about giving head… and of it… it think…no, I don’t feel as uncomfortable as one might guess— even though I look like a prude with no dress— (prefer pants)
I’m left thinking… you’re more like a high priestess of sex, and definitely a comely functional actress. Maybe the respect comes with the tag, or the label.. if you were called a Sex Actress (instead of a worker) you’d be wealthier than the less experienced Betty Grable.
Get the industry to change the language. That’s my magic tip for the day. You are compelling. Manifest your work into different terms for your selling.
Could be like casting a good spell — and your whole crew would benefit from it.
As wise as this may be, it would be damaging to change these terms.
Firstly, if we changed the word 'worker' to 'actor' then our clients would know for sure that it's all fake and we would be financially penalised for that. The whole reason for the masquerade is to make people think we want them there and that we care. If we're known as 'actors' then the client would know for sure that it's entirely meaningless.
Sex worker has been instrumental in advocating for workplace protections, decriminalization, and the right to organize collectively. Shifting to sex actor dilutes that grounding in labor politics. We'd be taken less seriously.
As much as I appreciate it, it would just increase stigma.
Thank you, my friend.
Ahh- ok.
I so value this insight. I want to comprehend the issue so I can be a proper advocate of ever my voice gains authority is a public sphere (debut vocal poetics forthcoming) I need to know how to be a supporter.
Yeah— well, it’s true magic what we both do. My struggle has been to validate my own form of theatrics while maintaining my real relationships with the people in my life. I will likely be seen as some form of whacked actor, but — what’s coming out of me is my authentic self… been hiding for too long and to ignore it is to reduce myself in the game of life.
I hear you and appreciate that you are raising the bar for your people in a misunderstood industry. I am glad that you have safeties arranged around you to protect you from the deranged. Be well. Stay safe. Keep writing and teaching your story.
Sorry for the typos. The edit function won’t let me fix them. I write too much, I guess. But I want to be understood.
Wow. I loved this. It is immediate, and fascinating. In a weird way, my years as an obedient "godly wife" attracted to women felt kind of like this - there was this distance in the act, because it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with meeting his needs in the moment and making him happy.
The same principles apply, my friend. I'm very sorry you had to go through that. Thank you.
The hardest part was how much he loved me. I loved him too, and realized he was getting my best, but it was not fair. He deserved to be delighted in by who he loved. No one ever loved me like he did. He was a very good guy. Died from cancer.
What I know is that they wouldn’t exist without men.
Women use sex workers also, but by and large, you are right.
As a woman this did make me feel uncomfortable so goal achieved. Is there a difference in the way you perceive attraction since you've been on both sides of the coin? Also, do you feel like you're shrugging off accountability here?
I apologize if this question is offensive. Not at all trying to be just really really curious! You're a very different type of writer on this platform so it's interesting to come across a different perspective on this. I'm glad you're safe. At the of the day that comes before anything!
Before I answer, accountability for what?
Nothing about this post fazes me except for the part where you'd knowingly wink at a man who you feel is married. If he bites the bait that's on him. But that you'd throw the bait at all is what doesn't sit...well?
Now if he approached you without any encouragement from your end that's fair game for you to take him on if you find him attractive. It's the former scenario I can't reconcile with
Whilst I understand where you’re coming from, is the man not in control of himself? Do I control what he does? Any man with a sense of decency will say no. I’m not monogamous so it doesn’t phase me it all. If it’s breaking their moral code, it’s down to them.
I don’t take responsibility for any married man who uses my service. I don’t apologise for it.
So you and I are in total agreement when it comes to the man's actions. If he takes the bait that's on him. He's responsible for his actions and choices. By the same token so are you. Why throw the bait is what I'm stuck on.
Because survival is survival is survival.
We all have the autonomy to decide what we do. Just because a cake is there it doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
If you’re saying that I’m responsible for another’s actions then we’re entering the realms of fantasy.
I am absolutely not responsible for what someone else chooses to do.
Ok thank you
An uncomfortable read so it worked well Fusun. Your line about no corporate events made me smile - I wondered what an awayday would look like - probably more fun than raft-building. 😀
May I ask, why did it make you uncomfortable, my friend?
Haha, yes! Only we make teepee's in the woods and sing kumbaya.
It is mesmerizing to get a glimpse into your world through your words.
Thank you so much, Jim. I am so happy to give you an insight.
Actually, I find your turn of phrase and cashmere prose very comfortable.
I think I'm one of the only people you can't make uncomfortable with these sorts of posts but at the same time it's interesting to read your work because you do this because you want to. I was a slave. I think that is the difference. You write about this stuff so well.